As far as I can remember, the only Oscar-nominated movie I’ve seen ths year was Bridesmaids. Well, I also saw The Social Network, but that was nominated last year, or maybe the year before.
So naturally I feel obligated to live blog and offer my extremely educated opinions. Mostly because if I just sit and watch, I’ll die of boredom. I’ll probably take a long ice cream break, shower during the lifetime achievement crap, and fall asleep at 10:05. Here goes.
The Oscar I usually watch. |
The Oscar I’m watching tonight. Decidedly less informed about this one. |
8:37 p.m.
Martin Scorcese’s daughter (I’m assuming that’s his daughter?) looks as enthralled as I am.
8:43
I honestly thought Hugo was animated. (My husband just said, “We can be in Mordor by sundown!” Because he looks like Ian McKellan?) (The guy from Hugo…not my husband.)
8:47
I was more excited about the Ellen commercials tonight than the show itself. I can go to bed now. Just kidding! I haven’t even had ice cream yet.
8:52
Why are we retrospect-ing already? The show’s been on for 20 minutes.
I appreciate the irony in J-Lo saying a woman’s dress should be loose enough to show she’s a lady. She looks like boobs in Saran wrap. And I can see 50% of her butt cheek.
9:00
Are we reminiscing about our first movie? Mine was Follow that Bird. Starring Big Bird. He gave a convincing performance.
9:05
Seriously? My two year old is awake? Go back to sleep!
9:06
I miss Sandra Bullock’s face. I meanĀ that literally — I miss the face she had last year.
9:11
I freakin’ love Melissa McCarthy. I hope everyone voted for her.
Oh. Nope.
9:13
Okay, now I love Octavia Spencer too.
9:20
Let me just say this is a 100% accurate portrayal of focus groups.
9:22
Tina Fey and Bradley Cooper! Girl crush and boy crush!
9:25
“Let’s get out of here, we’re editors” will probably stand as my favorite acceptance speech of the night.
9:26
“Hugo.” “No, HU-go.” I just threw up in my mouth.
9:30
Snack time. Why aren’t Reese’s Eggs available year-round?
9:36
Cirque du Soleil = awesome. OMG IS THATĀ GIRL SPINNING ON ONE ARM EVEN KIDDING? Insane.
9:42
Nominees for Best Documentary: Hmm? Huh? What? And Who?
9:46
My husband is officially asleep. That pretty much cuts the number of people paying attention to my obnoxious commentary in half.
9:58
Okay, so I just took a Words With Friends break….did I miss anything? I’m guessing no.
10:09
Mind-reading bit = not funny at all. Brad Pitt has a lot of kids! Martin Scorcese directs movies! Ha ha ha haaaa I should go to sleep.
10:12
It’s Lightning McQueen!
It’s Lightning McQueen!
It’s Lightning McQueen!
It’s Lightning McQueen!
10:25
I’m losing interest. Even Angelina can’t save me now.
10:53
Just spent 25 minutes on Pinterest. Looks like the show has stayed mostly boring.
10:56
Governers Awards? I’m going back to Pinterest.
11:11
Make a wish! I wish I were asleep.
11:20
Jean Dujardin is a handsome man.
11:29
Yay Meryl Streep. I’m going to sleep. <-- That's poetry.
Sorry, Best Picture. I’m trying to care enough! But I don’t.